Figuring out what you want

Figuring out what you want

In 2018 I was stuck, I was struggling dealing with the littlest of things and of course every single that could go wrong was going wrong… well that was what it felt like anyway! For me it had all been building since I hit 29! Everything just kept getting harder and harder and the pressure to live up to this imaginary life I had thought was expected of me was slowly killing my soul. This built and built until at 34, I lost my shit a little… I was so fed up with everything sucking that I decided all the things I should be doing needed to take a backseat and I needed to re-focus on what I wanted! 2018 became the year I dedicated every moment I could to working on myself and figuring out what I wanted for my life. In this post I want to share with you a few lessons I learned and the steps I took to get closer to knowing what it was that I really wanted.

Reflect & Reconnect

I think we can sometimes get caught up in the belief that we should know what we want, and it should be linear! Like when I grow up I want to be a lawyer, get married and have 3 children… or in my case, I thought I wanted to work my way up the corporate ladder, get married, have twins etc etc… But the funniest thing happened when I took the time to sit, make lists, reflect and ask myself what I really wanted… it looked nothing like that list!

Some of the very first questions I used to reconnect with myself were:
• What do you think your values?
• What would you do if you had all the money you needed?
• What activities are you drawn to naturally (in and out of work)?
• What makes you feel good?
• What is your intuition already telling you?

Bridge the gap

Another activity that really helped me get clear with what I wanted and helped me figure out a plan was an activity I like to call bridging the gap! The idea is to write two lists. The first is your reality, where you are right now and the second is to write a list of your ideal outcome.

Below are a few ideas to get you started:
• What feelings do you currently feel daily / What feelings do you want to feel daily?
• How does your day to day life look and feel like right now / How do you want your day to day to look and feel like?
• What do you do in your job / What do you wish you did in your job?
• What does your morning routine look like / What would be your perfect morning routine?
• What does your evening routine look like / What would be your perfect evening routine?
• What do your weekends look like / What would be your perfect weekend?

Give up & let go

Ok ok, I know this sounds negative… but let me explain! There is honestly no need to stress and dwell on knowing what you want! Take a deep breath and just let it go, give up on the idea that you must know what you want, give up on the idea of what you think is expected of you and instead, take some time to dream and do the things that bring you joy, focus on the feelings you want to feel in life instead of the pressures of what life should look like!

Show yourself some love and care

Yes, I am talking about self-love / self-care! This isn’t just the typical face masks and bubble baths, this is doing the work that’s required for you to feel good! This is letting go of past traumas, this is setting boundaries and standing your ground, this is saying no when you want to say no! This is pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone when you know its for your greater good! This is loving every inch of your body, no matter what society says about it! This is using a ridiculous amount of exclamation points when you are writing because it feels good!

The moment I stopped stressing on figuring out what I wanted and reconnected with myself is the moment my intuition started feeling stronger and my path felt clearer and the pressures started to just fall away…

Today, I honestly believe the story that you must be just one thing or follow one path in life is outdated! It is 2020 GOSH DARN IT! I am ready to believe there are no set rules, we make our own rules, so if you want to be a Chef, who is also a writer and you want to sell small croqueted hats for turtles on etsy… BABE DO IT! It is honestly up to you… you may not wake up and be there straight away, but if you want to do something and you have the belief that you can… then you will!

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5 ways to work with your goals

5 ways to work with your goals

5 ways to work with your goals

Last week, I spent a lot of time dreaming up some big scary exciting life goals! These goals were anything but SMART, they were ideas, words, feelings and dreams not bound to my current reality. I have to admit, my list is pretty badass and something I really have struggled to do over the years… When I have tried to dream big in the past, I have found it really hard to think of the things I may I want, but this year was different, I’ve been doing the work on myself and each day my ideal future becomes clearer and more and more extravagantly amazing! 

After years of setting the goal post to low, not knowing what to strive towards and honestly just letting life happen to me, I finally decided I needed to work more on myself so I could start letting life happen for me! I’d love to say that the moment I started creating mind maps, setting my values, being grateful and working on figuring out the things that light me up, that I instantly figured out what I want to do in life… Nope… But doing that work on myself and practicing (yes the buzz word) self care and self love I find it easier each time to come up with ideas on my dream life as well as appreciate how amazing my life already is!

In this post, I wanted to share a few ways that I am making my goals work for me!

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Write them down

There are plenty of different ways you can do this and reasons why you should… writing down your goals gets them out of your mind and out into the world, it helps you focus and assemble your thoughts from something abstract to something real, a statement, a plan or a new story!

How you write them down is up to you and personally I suggest trying as many methods as possible and then going with what feels right at the time… or with whatever works for you. I don’t think you need to pick one method and just stick to that, play around with it!

Verbalise them

Now there are many views on if you share your goals with others or not… some say sharing your goals with others gives you accountability while others say physiologically your getting the satisfaction of completing the goal… without actually completing the goal! Now I am not sure exactly which side of the fence I sit on here… BUT what I do believe is, that you need to make your goals feel real! So whether you find a close friend to talk about your goals with or if you just talk about them with yourself out loud in the mirror, talk them out! Clarify what they are and why you want them, dream about what it will be like when you reach them, connect with why you want to reach them and get excited about the possibilities of them becoming reality!   

Forget about failure

This is a big one for me, its something I am constantly working through! Why do we see failure as something bad? Something to be ashamed of? It is absolutely crazy to think we can achieve anything without a bit of failure! Something I have been working on in altering my thoughts, patterns and reactions to failure… I have been re-writing my stories around failing and disconnecting shame from the equation all together! We have all read the motivational quotes about learning from failures or it being apart of the journey etc… but seriously they are all true… I mean most cheesy quotes are! Failing is just one step towards your damn goal… so if you are one step closer… why is that shameful? Why aren’t we celebrating the fuck out of it or at least just re-assessing and moving on?!

Work on your habits

Something I am obsessed with reading about is habits and routines! How habits work, how to change them, what other peoples routines are and testing different routines out for myself! Something that changed the way I thought about all of this was when I realised our thoughts become our feelings, which in turn affect our actions… so…. If my thoughts affect my actions… I need to make sure my headspace is in the right place… and to do that?! Yep I needed to work out which habits made me feel good, which habits to ditch and how to fit all of those good ones into my days/weeks/life! I still constantly work on this, but I am in a much better place than I was in my 20’s and to tell you the truth I learn something new about myself every time I explore a habit or change up my routines. This may seem like it has nothing to do with achieving your goals… but I am telling you, the amount of research and self help books out there that suggest working on your habits and routines get you closer to reaching your goals, it aint a new concept… just make sure that your habits and routines align with where you are heading  and you will reach your destination (Slowly puts lid back on can of worms… for now!)

Flow with your seasons

Something I have learned about myself is that my life has seasons, I don’t mean like summer and winter etc, I mean I have ups and downs and patterns and moments where I am on fire along with moments where I want to hibernate. Over time I have learnt to listen to them, accept them and do my best to work with them instead of judge them or shame myself for having them. In the moments of fire your hot and ready and motivated, but in the moments of hibernation, its easy to get down on yourself… Which honestly just spirals you further down… Learning to accept, give yourself grace and finding the things that can make you feel good in those down moments, will get you closer to getting back up and being ready to face your goals again.

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Word of the Year – 2019

Word of the Year – 2019

Word of the Year - 2019

This year I wanted to approach my yearly review and goal setting for the year a little differently. Usually I sit down with a few review questions for the year, do the wheel of life exercise and then write out my goals for the following year. Last year I decided to set my values and I came up with a few goals that matched the theme of my values! This year I have done the same, but I want to add on a few more steps to this years plan! Firstly having a word for my year! I have read about this before and for some reason just never really tried it! 

Why choose a word of the year?

Now I am not writing this part with a whole lot of experience (obvs cause its the first year I am doing this), I am approaching this post more so from what I’ve read, what feels right to me and how I interpreted the process.

Choosing one word that represents your goals and your focus for the year is supposed to be your secret weapon! When you are unsure on a decision or loosing your focus, wham! Remember your word and back to your why you go! 

How I figured out my word

Choosing a word may seem hard! I mean its a lot of pressure for just one word! Picking one word that represents all of your goals and the theme of your year! Yeesh! But to tell you the truth after following the below process the word pretty much chose me.

♥ First I reviewed all of my goals for the year, I read through each one and thought about the reasons I have set them e.g. Why do I want to spend less money online? Because I want to save money, why? Because I want security etc etc…

♥ After I went through each goal, I then got a piece of paper and wrote down every single word that came to my mind (without really thinking about it)

♥ Once I had all of my words, I went through each word and thought does this word represent all of my goals this year and my why’s?  

♥ Then I picked my top three and then just went on about my day! Whenever I found myself with spare moments to think the three words just kept popping up with reasons why this one is or is not the word, or my mind would play out scenarios of when I was stuck and how the word would make me feel…

On the bus I finally decided my word! It had a lot going for it… And I had actually written it down on my piece of paper twice! So maybe I always knew this was the word.

So... what is my word?

CONNECT / CONNECTION I have chosen the word connect because it aligned perfectly with all of my goals. I want to connect more with my why, in my daily life and the activities I am doing (less mindless scrolling and more being present), I want to connect more with the people I love, I want to connect more with each of my values and the goals I have set. I want to connect more with my body, my health and my habits, I want to connect more with our planet and how I am responsible for how I show up in the world, I want to feel connected with my creativity and I want to remind myself of that connection on days I no longer feel connected. 

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The last 5 books I read!

The last 5 books I read!

The Last 5 Books I Read

I am obsessed with devouring self help books! I usually listen to them on Audible, but if I love the book and think it is worthwhile I also buy the hard copy! Here is a list of the last five books I have read and loved. 

You are a Badass at Making Money

I have read and re-read this book a few times in the last few months… yes I even bought the hard copy. You are a badass at making money is written by Jen Sincero and is all about mastering your mindset on money! This isn’t a save this much and invest in this type of book, this is the background work… this is the work you do on the little girl in you who believes she is to irresponsible with money to make it! Full of mantras and writing activities this gem is worth listening to in audio AND buying the hard copy! This book is slowly but surely changing my freaking life (just throwing that out there into the universe)! 

My key take away from this one is we can live whatever life we want to, the energy and thoughts we put out there are the shaping the way we see the world! so why not see a world where you are kicking ass being a bad ass bitch and making all of the money! I mean with all that confidence behind you how could you NOT succeed!  

Who Moved My Cheese

Picked up this gem for $1 on my op shop rummage last month! It was a simple and quick read about two mice Sniff & Scurry and two little people Hem & Haw, they all live in the same maze and have one goal… Cheese! 

The book is basically about fear, moving through it, accepting and anticipating change! It only took me about an hour to read, but was a good little reminder to not take myself, my so seriously and not get caught up in my own personal dramas (which are totally made up by the way!) and just keep moving forward! Keep striving for that cheese baby… whatever the “cheese” is for you! For me right now that cheese is money honey! Striving for more, knowing I deserve more, knowing I can make more and save more! Breaking the cycle of having just enough! Pushing through barriers I know I have created for myself, forgiving myself for making them and moving the fuck forward! 

I feel like this book would make a cute book to read to your kiddos! 

The Willpower Instinct

I don’t know if I am really feeling the guy who reads the audio book version, but the book is packed full of great ideas and willpower experiments!

Neuroscientists suggest that we have one brain, but two minds! “There’s the version of us that acts on impulse and seeks immediate gratification, and the version of us that controls our impulses and delays gratification to protects our long-term goals. They’re both us, but we switch back and forth between these two selves” this book has heaps of great information on studies conducted on willpower and at the end of each chapter a willpower experiment for you to try!! I willbe buying the hard copy of this book for sure! I LOVE a good experiment! 

Key take away from this one, was I am so not alone when it comes to struggling with willpower! Your thoughts and actions have so much power and your brain can wire certain pathways which makes certain behaviors almost automatic! This book has given me a burst of motivation to turn off auto pilot and start rewiring some of those pathways in my brain!  

The Law of Attraction

Ahhhhhh this book blew my mind! I did not expect this book to be… well to be what it was… I’m not gonna ruin it for you, but damn the author of this book… had me feeling like I wanted to give away all of my earthly possessions and join a cult! I was up for whatever she was selling! Ha! Annnnyway! The ideas and practices in this book are not super new to me, even before I read this book I already knew a lot about the concept of The Law of Attraction, but I REALLY enjoyed listening to this book! Abraham took everything I knew already about manifesting and the law of attraction and just gave it a whole new meaning to me… believe the concept or not, I think the principles of this book can change your life. 

My key take away from this one was I am an amazing being who has the power to manifest anything into reality!! Yeah baby! Every day I am doing my best to believe this for at least a moment. 

Girl Wash Your Face

This book had a lot of flack (reviews wise), I am not sure I would of bought it if I had read the reviews first… there is a lot of God talk (which usually puts me off) and there were a lot of rich white girl comments in the reviews… but after listening to it, I really enjoyed it and I am glad I forgot to check the reviews first! This chick is a super cutie and there is a lot of good advice in this book! I loved how each chapter was headed with a lie she used to believe and even though there are parts of the book that get a bit religious and some of her beliefs are different to mine (mainly her view on porn and being a christian etc) but I am big on accepting others beliefs and not holding judgement when they differ from my own. I actually really enjoyed her story, thoughts and life advice and boy can that girl sling a good quote! A few of my personal faves: “You will get through this season. This too shall pass. Don’t set the rest of your life up on a downhill slope because of one hard season.”  “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.” “Our words have power, but our actions shape our lives.” and I think I” leave you with just one more…

“What if the hard stuff, the amazing stuff, the love, the joy, the hope, the fear, the weird stuff, the funny stuff, the stuff that takes you so low you’re lying on the floor crying and thinking, How did I get here? . . . What if none of it is happening to you? What if all of it is happening for you?”    


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