A few weeks ago I participated in the Sensual Selfie Challenge on Instagram, for five days I shared a sensual photo of myself each day! This challenge was something I came across while scrolling the gram… I was in a trance (an Instagram glaze) and endlessly scrolling when I saw a pic I liked, a line drawing of a woman, I stopped, double tapped and read the post, the post was from Gala Darling and she was hosting the first day of the Sensual Selfie Challenge! I was in! I saved the pic and thought “I’ll come back to it”… But i didn’t, when later came along I was out of my Instagram trance and could not think of anything worse! Sharing sensual selfies of myself on the internet!? Was I crazy? Who knows what weirdos would see them, what would people think of me shamelessly parading around… Then embarrassment at the thought that I had for a second thought I could even pose sensually and be sexy! Ha nope… Not me… That moment there was the first real feeling I had from the Sensual Selfie Challenge.
A few days or so later, I was laying in bed, watching stories and there it was again, the sensual selfie challenge, but this time as an invite for a photoshoot a sensual photo shoot for the challenge! Was this the universe talking to me! Could it smell my fear and self doubt!? YES right then and there I said YES and organised a Sensual Selfie shoot for the following day! I was on fire! I felt energised, excited and powerful… For like 10 seconds…. Then I thought oh god what have I done!
The next day rolled around, I prepped in the best way I knew how, I washed my hair with pink shampoo, I tanned, I plucked my eyebrows and painted my nails and then I waited… Steph from the Soul Echo Social arrived and the Sensual Shoot was about to start! EEEP! We small talked for a bit while Steph sorted her bags exposing like 5 bags of glitter (my only regret from that shoot was not thinking to ask to use that glitter!) Once the small talk was done Steph asked me if I had any ideas I said no (even though I had saved Pinterest photos for ideas the night before… I don’t know! I guess I was nervous as hell!) So then we began. We started in my bedroom, Steph assessed the lighting and I nervously joked about taking my clothes off… Except it wasn’t really a joke… I just mumbled something like okaaaaay…. I guess I’ll take of my clothes in a weird voice… Then we began, posing was difficult, I felt nervous and a little stiff, but after great direction and a bit of a laugh I started to feel more and more comfortable, by the end of the shoot, it felt almost completely normal to be walking around with no top on in front of someone other than my boyfriend! The shoot was done and I felt great! I was excited to see the photos, it had been fun pretending to be an underwear model for a bit and I was excited to start the challenge!
Waiting for these photos I felt pretty confident, I knew there would most likely be things I would not like about the photos… well about my body more specifically but I had prepped myself for that! I received the photos in the morning… and for some reason felt I needed to wait until I was home to look at them… looking at them at work just didn’t quite feel right… when I got home I potted around for a while and then suddenly (while on the toilet) thought yep it’s time, lets check it out! As soon as I opened the folder I could not believe how pretty they were the colours were amazing and I felt genuinely happy with how I looked in most of the photos (WIN) I literally was glowing!
Then I waited… the long day or so till the challenge started, I have to say over this day or however long it was… I felt physically ill to my stomach! I had so many thoughts running through my head, so many reasons not to go ahead with the challenge… what will people think, what will my boyfriend think, what about my career (you know cause I am totally thinking of running for prime minster one day lol) what will this make me… Vain, narcissistic, ridiculous… I mean when having the photo shoot done, I felt like none of these things… but the idea of sharing them, had changed my whole view on it… I felt anxious and sick, like if I posted them my world was going to change, everyone would hate it and I would just be alone and embarrassed… OBVIOUSLY none of that happened… I posted them, felt a million feelings and everything pretty much stayed the same… except now I feel slightly more of bad ass bitch who ain’t afraid to take up this space in her skimpy pinkies yo!
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