In 2018 I was stuck, I was struggling dealing with the littlest of things and of course every single that could go wrong was going wrong… well that was what it felt like anyway! For me it had all been building since I hit 29! Everything just kept getting harder and harder and the pressure to live up to this imaginary life I had thought was expected of me was slowly killing my soul. This built and built until at 34, I lost my shit a little… I was so fed up with everything sucking that I decided all the things I should be doing needed to take a backseat and I needed to re-focus on what I wanted! 2018 became the year I dedicated every moment I could to working on myself and figuring out what I wanted for my life. In this post I want to share with you a few lessons I learned and the steps I took to get closer to knowing what it was that I really wanted.
I think we can sometimes get caught up in the belief that we should know what we want, and it should be linear! Like when I grow up I want to be a lawyer, get married and have 3 children… or in my case, I thought I wanted to work my way up the corporate ladder, get married, have twins etc etc… But the funniest thing happened when I took the time to sit, make lists, reflect and ask myself what I really wanted… it looked nothing like that list!
Some of the very first questions I used to reconnect with myself were:
• What do you think your values?
• What would you do if you had all the money you needed?
• What activities are you drawn to naturally (in and out of work)?
• What makes you feel good?
• What is your intuition already telling you?
Another activity that really helped me get clear with what I wanted and helped me figure out a plan was an activity I like to call bridging the gap! The idea is to write two lists. The first is your reality, where you are right now and the second is to write a list of your ideal outcome.
Below are a few ideas to get you started:
• What feelings do you currently feel daily / What feelings do you want to feel daily?
• How does your day to day life look and feel like right now / How do you want your day to day to look and feel like?
• What do you do in your job / What do you wish you did in your job?
• What does your morning routine look like / What would be your perfect morning routine?
• What does your evening routine look like / What would be your perfect evening routine?
• What do your weekends look like / What would be your perfect weekend?
Ok ok, I know this sounds negative… but let me explain! There is honestly no need to stress and dwell on knowing what you want! Take a deep breath and just let it go, give up on the idea that you must know what you want, give up on the idea of what you think is expected of you and instead, take some time to dream and do the things that bring you joy, focus on the feelings you want to feel in life instead of the pressures of what life should look like!
Yes, I am talking about self-love / self-care! This isn’t just the typical face masks and bubble baths, this is doing the work that’s required for you to feel good! This is letting go of past traumas, this is setting boundaries and standing your ground, this is saying no when you want to say no! This is pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone when you know its for your greater good! This is loving every inch of your body, no matter what society says about it! This is using a ridiculous amount of exclamation points when you are writing because it feels good!
The moment I stopped stressing on figuring out what I wanted and reconnected with myself is the moment my intuition started feeling stronger and my path felt clearer and the pressures started to just fall away…
Today, I honestly believe the story that you must be just one thing or follow one path in life is outdated! It is 2020 GOSH DARN IT! I am ready to believe there are no set rules, we make our own rules, so if you want to be a Chef, who is also a writer and you want to sell small croqueted hats for turtles on etsy… BABE DO IT! It is honestly up to you… you may not wake up and be there straight away, but if you want to do something and you have the belief that you can… then you will!
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